Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
