Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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