Christians are straight up FREAKS
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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