a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
