Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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