i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
