So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I touched a dick in church today
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
