hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Terrible idea I love it
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
