just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
