dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
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