college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think people are normalizing furries
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
