They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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