I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
