You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
