apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
