I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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