Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
