I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
