when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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