arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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