put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
