so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
