For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
