drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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