If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
