You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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