This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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