well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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