I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
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