I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
