Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You need a sexual gate keeper
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We are all done wearing pants today
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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