Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
