im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
