Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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