I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
