I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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