Where did you get a picture of my penis
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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