I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
