There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
