WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
