we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
