whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
