my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
