I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She announced her abortion via fbk
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
