i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
