Already got asked if we're dating
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
