her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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