Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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