Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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