moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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