you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
