I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
