i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
