I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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