8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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